For my Friend JP the Blogger

Compliments of my email Friend.

 To JP who made me laugh so often just when I needed it.  It’s a South African English vernacular adaptation of Southern colloquiums; if you don’t understand everything I shall try to explain.

 JP, old friend, this is to reciprocate for:

And for:

Pasop vir die Boere

Barack Obama was sitting in his office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

“Howzit, Barack!” a voice in broken English said. “This is Koos Vannermerwe here from the Doringboom Bar in Welkom , South Africa . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you, boet!”

“Well, Koos,” Barack replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Koos, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself, my cousin Jan, my next-door neighbour Lang Hannes, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight of us!”

Barack paused. “I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Blikkiesfontein!” said Koos. “I’ll have to ring you back!”  Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again. “Barack, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be, Koos?” Barack asked.

“Well, we have four Hilux double-cabs, two kombis, an old Case bulldozer, and Vet Gert’s John Deere tractor”.

Barack sighed. “I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1,5 million since we last spoke.”

“Liewe erdvark!” said Koos. “I’ll have to get back to you…”  Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day. “Barack, ou swaer, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We’ve modified Doepie’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia Hengelklub have joined us as well!”

Barack was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Koos, I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

“Slaat my dood!”, said Koos, “I’ll have to ring you back.” Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. “Jis, jis, jis, Barack! I am sorry to tell you that we’ve had to call off the war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Barack. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well,” said Koos, “we’ve all had a long chat over some klippies and coke, and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!”

12 Responses to “For my Friend JP the Blogger”

  1. RebeccaH Says:


  2. Cool Hand Luke Says:

    Sounds like South Africa has the same problem as Australia, plenty of room but it’s just not enough to hold more than you already have.
    Chuckle chuckle 🙂

    • Ike Jakson Says:

      Cool Hand Luke

      It’s nice to see you here. And yes, we have the same problems. Actually it is much worse but we have the abilities to laugh it off.

      Those who can’t are leaving for America, Aus, and believe it or not, hundreds of thousands of our best minds to England.

  3. JP Says:

    LMAO, Ike….Very funny. Love it, my friend.

    • Ike Jakson Says:


      I have said it before, but like Burl Ives in his old song ‘I ‘ham say’n it again’ you are one helluva guy to know. Thanks my friend.

  4. Jamie MacNab Says:

    This is wicked, Ike. You are undermining our confidence in the superiority of the Western Hemisphere.

    • Ike Jakson Says:

      Thanks Jamie MacNab

      It’s so nice to meet you here in the civilized World.

      I have a question regarding your statement: “You are undermining our confidence in the superiority of the Western Hemisphere?”

      Now, how could I do that? Or do I miss something, me that is from the Deepest South down in the Southern Hemisphere?

      Rest assured that I enjoy blogging here. It’s civilized but highly competitive and hard work to break in, but highly rewarding if you can make it.

      Enjoy. And drop in again.

  5. towp Says:

    Ike you truly have out done yourself…to bad the ‘one’ will never stop by to see it..guess it doesn’t matter….he wouldn’t get it anyway…thanks Ike.

    • Ike Jakson Says:

      Thanks towp

      I know The One does care about me but that’s why he doesn’t matter much to me. You matter AND YOU COUNT WITH ME [and JP, Lady Rebecca, and others] and I am happy you dropped in. “We the People” must rule.

  6. Viking Says:

    Hehehehe. Ja Boet.
    An oldie but still a goodie!!

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