My new Family Doctor

I just love my new Family Doctor from the very first visit when I met him yesterday.  You need no second opinion on this advice that he gave me.

 Just look at the Wisdom in this Face

I just love my new Family Doctor

 Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?

 A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.  

 Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

 A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

 Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

 A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

 Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

 A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good! 

  Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

 A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?  

 Q:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

 A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.  

 Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?

 A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

 Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?

 A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.

 Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

 A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!   

 Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

 And  remember:   

  Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!” 

   AND…..

 For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.  It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.   

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.  

 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 

  CONCLUSION:  Eat and drink what you like.   Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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8 Responses to “My new Family Doctor”

  1. bydesign001 Says:

    Excellent dear Ike, excellent.

  2. Cheech Says:

    Ike, before you get to carried away with your new doctor, please consider this: :^)

    Doctors

    (A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is

    700,000.

    (B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians

    per year are 120,000.

    (C) Accidental deaths per physician is
    0.171

    Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept ofHealth and Human Services.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Now think about this:

    Guns

    (A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is

    80,000,000.

    (Yes, that’s 80 million)

    (B) The number of accidental gun deaths
    per year, all age groups is
    1,500.

    (C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is
    .0000188

    Statistics courtesy of FBI

    >
    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    So, statistically, doctors are approximately

    9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Remember, ‘Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.’

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,

    BUT

    Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
    This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

    We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

    • Ike Jakson Says:

      Hi Cheech

      Thanks for all that info. It never occurred to me to ask my new Family Doctor about guns because I don’t have a gun but I will ask him. If he says it’s OK I shall get one.

  3. Bob Mack Says:

    When can I get an appointment with Dr. Yes?

    • Ike Jakson Says:

      Thanks Bob

      I called the man quickly when I got your mail and he told me “Yes, I shall see your friend BUT first I have to know does he have the lifestyle or the frame of mind to accept my advice? I have to know that first, see.”

      Soon as U R ready then.

  4. Nolanimrod Says:

    English! I should have guessed. And I already knew how to get my body fat index. Just weigh my head.

    These health issues are always always so murky. Look at WWII. The English were governed by a fat, cigar-smoking alcoholic gourmand. The Germans had a teetotaling vegetarian health nut.

    Go figure.

    • Ike Jakson Says:

      Hi Nolanimrod

      Murky is the word, indeed. But I am happy to have found one medical professional that will support my view and general mistrust of all medical professionals.

      I need no Obamacare or Government assistance.

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