Origins of an Old Fart

That’s what somebody called me the other day; a strange business indeed calling me an old fart. Heck, I thought to myself that is a serious accusation that needs to be addressed at once before the notion develops into a problem of momentous implications for me and the family.

Because I am well equipped with a good brain and a strongly inquisitive mind I set out to determine the origins of this development.

It turned out that there may be a lot of truth in what the man said and to my great relief I am not the only one I found. In fact it so turned out that it can now be said with a fair degree of certainty that I am indeed what he called me and that the affliction is a hereditary one.

That really annoyed me be because that implied that my father …

Now I was really mad at the young upstart and got all the books out, all the Google facts but when I was about to examine the situation my mind went back to the days when I was a young fart in our early twenties. I found that without knowing it because we were so brilliant at the time all of us were born from Old Farts except me. My father was a decent man.

So I went into this and concentrated on the family lives of all the other young farts. It turned out into an Odyssey of Time going back to when the earth was flat long before the first moon of Time.

I shall tell you more of my discoveries as we go along; suffices for now to state that I don’t feel offended any longer. In days gone by we all have the same origins, with the exception being the status of my father, …. or as I indeed hope, maybe the father[s] of good friends.

To be continued. It is a bit like trying to fit a round object like the Earth into a square box without leaving a vacuum or empty space in the corners; it is a great and difficult task as you will agree but I am getting there.

While you wait for my return let your mind join me in the analysis of these scientific findings; we can pool our knowledge and hopefully find the core of the truth.

Until we meet again….

11 Responses to “Origins of an Old Fart”

  1. JM Says:

    So, Ike, you want to have it both ways, do you? I am not fooled, my friend – you want to be both an old fart and a young one, don’t you? Well, you need certain talents for that.

    Are you able to run five miles to the shop and forget why you went there?

    Can you set out to chop down a tree with an axe in three minutes? – and then discover that you used a mallet by mistake?

    Have you recently made a date with a lady, only to discover afterwards that who you actually went out with was her daughter?

    You see, Ike, things ain’t that simple. Now just make up your mind who you’re going to be – one or the other. Right? 😉

    • Ike Jakson Says:


      I forgot; that alone should tell you that I am the old one and have no desire to be a young one again. Maturing gracefully, that is what I will do from now on, to be like you, see.

  2. Ike Jakson Says:

    Well Jamie, thank you so much for the visit and your wisdom.

    I have not experienced everything that you mention; never did I confuse mother and daughter, but I see your point.

    I feel a lot better the last few days and this Post was my way to celebrate that.

    • JM Says:

      Great stuff, Ike, except for that bit about maturing gracefully. I have half a mind to mature outrageously. If only I knew how! But it’s never too late to learn, is it?

      God bless,

      • Ike Jakson Says:

        Well Jamie

        My first reaction on your first sentence was that it would all depend on the road you traveled this far, but you stated how in your second sentence. It is time for me to take a more graceful road. That is an altogether different matter, see. Hehe.

  3. christophertrier Says:

    The problem with trying to be eternally young is that the law of diminishing returns always applies. The harder one tries, the worse it looks. One is young, but with each day one is a bit older. That’s the nature of life. Whether one believes in linear or cyclic views of time does not take away from the fact that life goes in one direction.

    When one is young one can be crazy, foolish. One can be mad — positively mad. One can be ravishing, foolish, obstinate, impetuous, rash, and bold. Then one should slowly mellow and calm down. The older one gets, the more memories one has.

    I find that this is very much the case as I grow older. Frankly, I’m comfortable with it. Being young was never that great. There were good times, of course, but there still are good times. Things change, but they have to change — we have to change — in order to keep life interesting in good ways.

    • Ike Jakson Says:

      Hi Christopher

      I won’t say “long time no hear” because I am not really active right now; for a while really come to think of it.

      But I still read as much as the eye permits and it was nice hearing from you. Have you settled on a career yet?

      I like the summary of your closing paragraph; yes we should try and do that. I have mellowed much and I am happy in what I am now.

      • christophertrier Says:

        Hello Ike,
        it seems as if I am condemned to eduction.
        This autumn I will move to another, more quiet, state
        in order to go into a graduate programme.

        Initially, at least, my career prospects appear to be
        in East Asia. I have some job leads in Taiwan and China.
        I prefer the former, it’s a much easier country to be in.

      • Ike Jakson Says:


        You have youth, learning, plenty of background; and I am sure you have your head and mind in the right place.

        Good luck and enjoy whatever you do.

  4. John Russell Says:

    ah, but my dear Ike. Id you not consider the polymorphous character of farts, old and new? A potato chip fart, for example, smells like potato chips whereas a corned beef, cabbage, and potato fart smells like the atmosphere of Uranus.

    • Ike Jakson Says:

      Aha John

      I didn’t consider myself to be an old fart until someone called me that recently but I know I was a young one when I was about the age of this impertinent youth calling me that.

      Then I have never been to Uranus; heights scare me and I have ole Rip for company before I go so far as that place and now that you mention the smell I reckon I will just stay around here.

      It is nice to see you; not that I am worthy at this stage but I am grateful.

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